New to the Forum

I’m new to the forum but not new to being a caregiver.  I was Mom’s caregiver 30 yrs ago when she was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma. Now 30yrs later I find myself dealing with Dad having dementia.  I feel so stupid that I did not see the signs of it coming. Dad lives in FL and I live in NY. Last March Dad asked me to come down to FL to take him to an attorney to do a will, Health Care Proxy and DNR.  I did and noticed he had tremors in his right hand. The heat was up to 90 degrees in his house.  He had a shuffle in his gait. He had been losing a lot of weight and I noticed he seemed to be partially unshaven. 

I flew down again in June for Father’s Day and dad’s demeanor was different – more combatitive.  Normally Dad and I spoke at least once a week. By June he stopped calling me. While he never quite had my birthday right he’d always send a card. Last November I didn’t get a card. I called him for Thanksgiving and Christmas. When my husband got on the line he didn’t even recognize who he was.  To make matters worse, the day after Christmas I get a phone call from the local police telling me that dad insisted there were people from the Government in his house putting tags on things. Of course, the Police investigated and found nothing. He claims to have heard from my prodigal brother who he hasn’t heard or seen from in 25 years. 

Then on January 10, I get a phone call from the hospital telling me dad is there with dementia and congestive hear failure. He’s been transported to a Nursing home where he is incoherent. I am a total wreck. I can’t concentrate at work, my husband is less than supportive calling dad “crazy”.  Is it me? Am I being too sensitive? When is it time for Hospice care? There was no Hospice when Mom got sick so this is all new to me. Any help or guidance is much appreciated.  

Sharon