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I got results from this site

You know how they give the results of the questionaire you take in the beginning. The results didnt surprise me. I am glad though I had all ready taken appropriate steps to ward some this depression off. Just recently, I found I was grieving. Didnt realize I was doing it. It comes and goes. Am I the only one that is going through that right now?

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submitted by pauleff on Friday, 05/06/2011 - 11:55pm

I can identify with the grieving even after nearly two years. I look forward to the times when she is calm and "normal" and seems to know what is going on and just as I am finding joy in talking with her.....she's gone and the grieving is back.....Sometimes I think it would be better without those occasional moments......but.....I look forward to her coming back because that's what keeps me going. It is hard to not think in plural, the history of our lives have been "us" and "we", sometimes that included some or all of our six children but all times it included her and me. The only time without her was when I was serving in the military. Now I find myself looking at her in her own world, a world that I can not enter nor understand. She is on her first journey without me.....I miss her and she is sitting right in front of me......sometimes I resent it and then I am thankful that I still have her. I believe in God from whom I receive my strength and perserverence. I pray for her,for my children,some who cannot spend time with her because it's too painful and then I pray for continued health,strength and perserverence........but then I find my eyes full of tears because I look at old pictures and my thoughts go back to "us". This is not a good time of the year, yesterday was our anniversary, Sunday is Mother's day, Memorial Day "we" visited the graves and placed flowers, June is the anniversaries for four of our children...etc.   I saw a movie a few years ago called "The story of Us".....I understand it much better today....I've tried exercising....some help. I've tried planning the future....some help. I've tried getting out of the house with friends....some help. But then comes the nights and early mornings that were always a time for "us".......All of this will not help anyone including me...except all of us,the ones left behind, know we're not alone......we are the spectators having to endure this horrible disease...

submitted by JeanneG on Monday, 05/09/2011 - 2:54am

It is so hard, isn't it, to have the loss drag on and on. We don't generally want it to end (unless our loved ones are clearly in great pain), but enduring it day to day is hard. When I look at old pictures I am able more and more to focus on "I'm so glad we had that experience," than on "we'll never have that experience again." If your wife is still having periods of clarity when she is "with it" you have a chance to tell her things -- a chance you wouldn't have had if the loss had been sudden and final. That is a small consolation, but a real one. You can look at an old picture with her and tell her how glad you were to have that life together when you were both well, and how glad you are to be with her through this rough time. And you'll have the chance to listen to her thoughts about the picture.My heart goes out to you, pauleff.

submitted by pauleff on Friday, 05/13/2011 - 3:11pm

Thanks JeanneG, I do that, it is wonderful for those few moments...but...then she's gone again. Those times are getting fewer and farther apart and I know that one of these times she will not be back....but you're correct, the memories were well worth it and the pictures,thank God for the pictures, will keep her alive and with me. Our six children and our fourteen grandchildren are a big help when the're here. My one daughter, thank God for her, has the ability to listen to me,for a while, then make me come back to the present. She's got my wife's talent for listening and she's the only one who'd dare to yell at me like my wife could and did yet keep me smiling.

submitted by Chicagorunner on Saturday, 01/01/2011 - 12:06am

I've also found that doing some kind of exercise each day really helps...even if it's 10 minutes of walking or some yoga to relieve stress. Staying positive is difficult, but it does help.

submitted by PMHodel on Wednesday, 12/29/2010 - 11:15pm

DonnaG, you are so right.  I do not have a great attitude all the time.  My LO has Lewy Body Dementia.  I believe there are greater fluctuations In Lewy Bodies compared to the some of the other dementias.  We can have several days in a row when its hard to tell he has  dementia.  Just when I get that feeling of being normal, things change and he gets confused.  Its kind of like taking a bad roller coaster ride.  I try to stay calm all the time because if I am calm, he is calm.  Last week we celebrated our 53 anniversary but going out to eat at Red Lobster.  We had a good time and he seemed to enjoy himself, but when we got home he started getting agitated.  I really dont know what brought that on but I said, "lets take a walk" and we went outside and looked at some Christmas decorations.  When we got back to our house, he was just fine.  It seems like he doesn't like visitors in our house.  Thats when I get lonesome but then theres always the telephone and internet.  When this terrible disease first came on him, I couldn't even talk on the phone.  He was just like a little kid and needed my attention at that time.  In fact, it seems to me that he is so much like a little kid.  When I am counting my blessings, I think "this is how he was as a child" and I feel lucky to be able to share that part of his life, as well as his adult part of his life. 

submitted by DonnaG on Tuesday, 12/28/2010 - 6:25pm

I found your posting very uplifting, Mary. You have such a great attitude. I know you probably don't have it every moment of every day (and if you do, let us know your secret), but it's the attitude I aspire to have as much as possible. I am still torn between asking that family gatherings be here in mom and dad's house and taking mom to the gatherings, as that can be quite the effort. But she is still able to get out, and I do think that it is good for her to do so, so maybe we'll stick with that plan for now. But I included in Christmas cards a plea for people to call and come over in the coming year. If only folks could realize what a lift it is to have a visit from someone. I would live my life much differently (I hope) if I realized earlier what a hope-bringer I could be to the homebound."Things are different, but not bad."Exactly. Sometimes they ARE a little bad, or sad, or whatever, but so much of the time Mom is still fun to be with, and there are those brief moments of recognition and love. They are worth everything, eh?

submitted by PMHodel on Wednesday, 12/22/2010 - 3:28pm

I think many of us care givers are grieving.  I know I am.  It has been two years now since my LO was diagnosed.  I grieve the loss of the man I married.  I grieve the things we are no longer able to do.  Then I count my blessings because it could be so much worse.  We have had to change our way of doing things, and it has been hard.  We no longer can have our family Christmas celebrations as it brings on an agitation in him.  So we changed our celebrations.  Instead of me fixing food in the kitchen for hours and hours, the kids all bring something.  Instead of them staying half the day, they stay a couple of hours.  Things are different but not bad.  I would rather have him this way than not have him at all.  I am trying to look at the positive things this has brought to our life. Mary

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